The Great Indian News Nonsense

Let’s face it. There is absolutely nothing worthwhile to watch on the Indian news channels these days. Even the most pointless of all issues are presented to us in an exaggerated fashion. And unfortunately, the loudest channels have the highest viewership in India. For the past two weeks, I was totally cut of from the current affairs world because of certain personal issues. So while watching the news after a couple of weeks, I realized that the news channels always show us the same kind of news 24*7. It is like the menu of a typical Indian wedding dinner, same dish with different names. So here are the main ingredients that will always be present when you are watching any news channel in India:

The ‘Breaking News’ syndrome: No matter what the news is, an annoying ‘Breaking News’ banner will always be rotating all around your television screen. A recent example is the ‘news’ that broadcasted Indrani Mukherjea’s sandwich snack. That is NOT ‘Breaking News’ journalists! Get a life.

The Masala News Item: Every news show needs to have a news item that has nothing to do with actual current affairs. It is just a timepass piece which exploits our Khan movie mentality: nonsense with extra spice. It can be about a mom/dad who murders a certain daughter for kicks or about an attention seeking girl who posts pictures of guys that refuse to treat her like Queen Elizabeth on Delhi roads. No thanks! I would rather watch a donkey bray for two hours because that would be Mozart when compared to these masala pieces.

The Political Binge: News channels are paid to influence your political views. If you don’t understand this then I feel sorry for you. Each news channel has its own agenda and its own political connections. They will politicize your beliefs, your diet, your movies, your personal life, your state and sadly even your country in order to get your vote. Every news show will pick up a random incident and politicize it to the core. And before we can find a solution to any issue, the channels shift to a different incident thanks to out short attention spans. GAUR SE DEKHIYE in news channel walo ki besharmi.

Celeb Crap with extra cricket on the side: No news item is complete without mentioning some celebrity scandal or the regular cricket news that has not really changed for the past few decades. If we got offended at real issues like pollution and population the way we get offended everytime Sanjay Dutt gets parole, we would probably be living in a Utopian society (Salman would still run over people).

So these were a few formats that have been and probably will be there on your television screen for a long time. The only way to stop this is to switch off the TV everytime a news channel tries to enforce this kind of idiocy on you. As the popular journalist Ravish keeps saying: TV thoda kam dekha karo, khush rahoge (watching less TV might make you a happier person)!