So you’ve finally entered medical college, done your parents proud and are part of a stream that will make sure that everyone from your distant aunt to your neighbour’s pet dog will wake you up in the middle of the night to help diagnose their symptoms even though you’ve just joined college yesterday. Congratulations! You’re in a soup, the people you’ve met at your new college are very different from the people you’ve just left in junior college and you’re tearing your hair out in frustration. STOP. RIGHT. THERE. We have brought to you a helpful guide that will help you figure out the people you meet in medical college and save your hair. Presenting …
1. The Book Lugger – When you ask around for a book that you’ve, rather sensibly, left back at home because of the deadweight, this is always the person to lend it to you. Sometimes you wonder how they manage to stuff all those books in their bag. Soon their regular posture is a permanently stooping, grimacing one. Befriend this one. It’ll save you from kyphoscoliosis.
2. The Do-I-Even-Look-Like-I’ve-Come-To-College Type – This person usually walks into class half an hour late with dishevelled or still wet hair, mismatched shoes, with only one book under his/her arm and no pen. He is also often seen lounging around at the back of the class in normal lectures and next to the Book Lugger in important lectures.
3. The I-Haven’t-Studied-A-Thing type – Everyone knows this type. But they’re better actors in medical college. They’ll whine and haw and moan about how they’re definitely gonna fail, look so close to tears that you drop the book you’re studying even though you’re on your first chapter and take time out to comfort them and assure them they’ll still pass, being slightly relieved that you have someone else in the same boat. When the results come out, they’re the ones celebrating!
4. The I’m-Friends-With-Everyone Type – This person is the social butterfly that every medical college definitely has. He/she will walk around the place, waving at people you didn’t even know were in the same college. They continually change places, having a different group for lectures, a different group for travelling, a different group for meals and a different group for gossip. Everyone’s their best friend!
5. The Recluse – You’ll find this one slithering into class, almost unnoticed and leaving before anyone else does. You’re almost totally oblivious to the presence or absence of this person because they will sit where they get the least attention. And suddenly, once in a blue moon, they’ll answer a random question the teacher has put to the class and everyone looks around to see where the new voice came from. Jeremy spoke in classssss todayyyyy!!!
6. The Teacher’s Pet a.k.a. The Suck Up – This type usually sits at the very front or as close to the teacher as possible. He/she will take the teacher’s word as gospel, fawn at their feet and laugh at the lamest jokes the teacher cracks, all in the hope of gaining that extra edge in the viva or some important questions for the exam. For example
Teacher: Beta, it is not a prize, it is a SURprise.
Suck up: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *clutches sides and doubles over, red in the face* HAHAHA! Oh my GOD! SURprise! Too good Sir! *beats desk repeatedly with his fist while the rest look on stone faced.*
Teacher *obviously very pleased* : Lodi toh mera favourite student hai.
7. The Journal Completer a.k.a. The True Nerd – Medical college is filled with a bunch of students who are glued to their books. In situations like these it’s easy to say that everyone here is a nerd. But if you look closer, pore into their seemingly humdrum and identical lives and part the will-o’-the-wisp curtains from their- I should probably stop using such complicated English – daily routine, you will see that there is one foolproof test to judge which of them is the true nerd. The true nerd in a medical college is the one who completes his journals before anyone else does. You realise the gravity of the statement when you understand that journals in medical colleges are never ending tomes. Each medical student virtually writes The Mahabharata in the course of his MBBS studies. The Journal Completer just does it first and gives us lesser mortals his journal to copy from. You’d better be friendly with at least one of them.
8. The Napper – This is by far the most talented type you will encounter in a medical college. Their stealth and deception skills are second to none. One moment they are staring at the board, apparently listening to whatever the teacher has to say with rapt attention. The next moment the eyelids droop, the posture slumps and a slow oscillating motion takes them steadily … steadily, ever so steadily towards the desk … and UP, they’re staring with rapt attention again. Some have mastered the art of napping in plain sight. Some components of this type are so skilled, they can even sleep with their eyes open, nodding vigorously in accordance with what the teacher has to say. If you’re part of this type, don’t feel bad, I am too. So was a slightly less famous person called Albert Einstein. They say it boosts IQ. Ah well, just another reason. Zzzzzz.