We think we have control of our lives.
But it is only an illusion.
We think we can let go of the past. That too, is an illusion. In reality, the past never lets go of us. It holds us like a web, and the more we try to run, the tighter it gets around us. We can never escape, not from the weight of our own decisions. Even if somehow we get a few moments of relief, the people in our life who were a part of all the bad decisions we made will never let us forget.
Even the circumstances will remind us every day of our decisions. This is because wherever we are now is because of the decisions we took in the past. How do you deny or even let go of something that has made you what you are today? Or is it even wise to let go? What if in the effort to forget all those mistakes, we forget who we are?
Will we be anywhere in life if we forget ourselves?
The thing I am trying to say is that every word we say, every deed that we do, is laden with weight-whether we realise it or not. Once something is done, it cannot be undone. Life, after all, is no child’s play. Every moment comes only once. If we take it lightly, if we do not tread with care, we might end up regretting our actions later.
Someone might argue that if we are so careful all the time, how is it living then? If we play it safe, how can we actually enjoy our short life? Well, we cannot have everything since everything comes with a price. If we want to live, we will have to relinquish control of our life. We will have to live with the burden of grave mistakes and regret of things unfinished. And we will have to make peace with the fact that we might not care for our actions today; but tomorrow they will come back to give us the results, and we will have to deal with them to our best.
We will have to live the illusion.
If we are not equipped or ready to carry the burdens of our actions, we must be very careful of what we say or do every moment of our lives. We will have to live with the constant fear of being haunted by what we do. Is that any better than carrying the burden of our follies? And what guarantee is there that even though we are so careful, we will never go wrong?
So, in truth, there is only one way. We learn to make peace with our demons. We cannot let go of them, we cannot forget or ignore them, nor can we avoid getting our share of them. If we truly have no control over our lives and it is all an illusion, it should all work out on its own. We should concentrate on the part of coping with it. And being happy despite it all, because it does not matter how we lived our lives, how many mistakes we made or what we did to ourselves. What matters is whether it was all worth it. The lack of control should be something to revel in, not something that constricts us. We should try our best to make a good life out of what we are given, and make sure that no matter how less the moments of happiness are; no matter how big our burden is; the happy times should relieve us of the weight from time to time. That is how we can live with no control, co-exist with our demons, and make peace with our burdens.
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